Guilt vs Shame: The Weight We Carry Around Food

Guilt and shame often get tied up together, but they’re not the same thing.

Guilt is, “I did something wrong.”
Shame is, “There’s something wrong with me.”

Guilt is about behaviour – an action that went against your own standards or values. It’s uncomfortable, but it often nudges you to fix, to apologise, to try better next time.

Shame is different. It doesn’t point to the behaviour; it points at you. It suggests that you’re flawed, bad, or broken. And instead of prompting action, it makes you want to hide, to shy away.

We experience both emotions because we live by certain rules – spoken or unspoken, true or untrue – about what’s “right.” When we break those rules, guilt reminds us, “You can repair this.” Shame says something heavier: “You’re the problem”.

And few areas of life carry as many unspoken rules as food does.

We’re told what’s “good” or “bad,” what’s “clean” or “junk,” how much, when, and why we should eat. So when we eat something we “shouldn’t,” guilt and shame are often right there waiting.

Guilt around food might sound like:
“I shouldn’t have had that second serving.”
“I said I’d eat healthier, and I didn’t today.”
It’s focused on what happened – a behaviour you can reflect on, learn from, and move past.

Shame around food goes deeper:
“I have no willpower.”
“I’m disgusting for eating that.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
It attacks who you are – and that’s when we start to hide. From others. From ourselves. From the truth that one meal, one moment, doesn’t define us.

The real shift happens when you start to separate the two.
When you can say, “I overate,” instead of, “I am a failure.”
That small change allows for compassion. And compassion is what creates lasting change – not punishment.

Because guilt can guide you.
But shame will only keep you stuck.

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The Heavier Weight

Often, the emotions we experience – and the behaviours that follow – after feeling we’ve “gone against the rules” are more damaging than the physical effects of the food itself.

The stress, the restriction, the overreaction – these can do more harm to your body and mind than the extra slice of cake ever would.

An important realisation around food is that there are no hard and fast rules.
You get to decide.

There are no “bad” foods in isolation.
No “bad” meals in isolation.
There are only patterns – and patterns can be changed.

Eating something that doesn’t align with your goal doesn’t make you “bad.” It makes you human.

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A few steps to try

1. Name the emotion.
   When you feel guilt or shame, pause. Look for clues: “Is this about what I did, or who I am as a person?”

2. Separate behaviour from identity.
   Replace “I am weak” with “I made a choice that doesn’t align with my goal.”

3. Respond with curiosity, not criticism.
   Instead of judging yourself, ask, “What was I feeling or needing in that moment?”

4. Zoom out.
   One meal, one day, one choice doesn’t define the outcome – your pattern, over months and years, does.

5. Reaffirm your autonomy.
   You’re the one who decides what health looks like for you. Food isn’t moral. You are not “good” or “bad” for eating in any particular way.