The idea of self-compassion grates on me. Not because of what it means, but because of how it’s often used.
These days, self-compassion seems to be reduced to “being kind to yourself.” And sure, kindness is part of it – but only a part.
Real self-compassion isn’t just about giving yourself a break. It’s also about, at times, holding yourself to a higher standard – because you care. It’s about balancing kindness with accountability.
Self-Compassion is like that good friend who’s there for you when life gets tough – no judgment, just support. But that same friend will also call you out and say, “You’re better than this,” when you’re falling short.
We all have that inner voice, right? The one that shapes how we see ourselves and the world.
How compassionate is the voice in your head?
What is it telling you?
Here are some questions to consider:
Do you take on too much responsibility, even when it’s not yours, or do you shy away from owning your part in situations?
Do you hold yourself to harsh standards and feel guilty over minor mistakes, or do you let yourself off the hook too easily when you fall short?
Do you cling to things long after they’re not working, or do you quit the moment things get hard?
Neither extreme is compassionate – beating yourself up or constantly letting yourself off the hook.
Real compassion sits somewhere in the middle.
The next question is: where does this voice come from? It didn’t just appear overnight.
Understanding where it comes from can help us figure out how to change it. Is it a voice shaped by an overly critical parent, teacher, or past experience?
Real compassion.
It’s not about criticism. It’s about care. It’s about recognising, at times: I’m struggling, and I need to go easy on myself.
But also, at other times: I can do better – I need to step up.
Too often, we confuse self-compassion with letting ourselves off the hook. But real self-compassion doesn’t keep you stuck in your struggles. It helps you get unstuck – with honesty, patience, and a bit of tough love that comes from a place of self-respect.
Self-compassion isn’t about giving yourself a free pass. It’s about doing the hard work with awareness and understanding.
Real self-compassion wants the best for you – even when that means doing the hard thing.